Properly grateful

What if every thought were printed on my forehead?
Every judgmental "hmmph."
Every contemptful sneer.
What if the wandering of my mind was mapped out for the person who was trying to talk to me?

What if they could see how little I esteemed them and how much I made of myself?
What if they could feel the pricking of those comments I bit back?

What if the contents of my heart poured out not through my tongue, but through my very skin so that the whole world could see every shade of every unworthy hope I ever clung to?

And what if the One who does see me so, still loved me so, that he came and endured all my black heart and bled on my behalf to make me his own?

What if I were properly grateful?

Mis-directions

Mom: Paul, what homework do you have tonight?
Paul: Oh, Mom - I've got to bring in a roll of paper towels and some welcome cards.  The welcome cards have to be rectangular.
Mom: Welcome cards?
Paul: Yeah.
Mom: So cards that say, "Welcome"?
Paul: I think so, and they have to be rectangular.
Mom: Should we print these?
Paul: I don't know. I think you can just buy some.
Mom: How big do these need to be?
Paul: I don't know.
Mom: How many of these do you need?
Paul: I don't know.
Mom: When are these due?
Paul: I think I need them tomorrow.
Mom: How are these going to be used?
Paul: I DON'T know!
Mom: Well I'm not going out to night to buy "Welcome" cards when I don't know how many or what they are.  I'll e-mail Mrs. M and see if we can get some more information.

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Dear Mrs. M,

Paul came home today with some vague instructions that he was to bring a roll of paper towels and some welcome cards to school with him.  The paper towels we can handle, but he couldn't tell me how many welcome cards, how big they should be, or how they would be used.  Can you please help clarify?  

Thank you.

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Hi!
We are going to do a couple of projects on Friday. I have enough paper towel rolls, but Paul is welcome to bring any empty rolls. We are also going to do a little paper folding using rectangular greeting cards ( used is fine).
Sincerely,
Mrs. M

Sock Musings

Nathan's socks have made a pact never to go through the laundry in pairs.  This means that at any given time, I need to have a minimum of 18 pairs of socks that fit him in my house.

Of these 18 pairs:

2 pairs are on the radiator drying

1 pair is in the diaper bag

1 pair is on the floor of the car

11 halves of pairs are in the sock drawer

     3 of those half pairs are in the dirty laundry

     3 more of those half pairs are in the clean laundry waiting to be folded and put away

     5 remaining half pairs have hidden themselves in the dark and secret places in my house

Which leaves 3 pairs of clean socks in the drawer, none of which match his clothing.

On the other side of things, there are my girls who have made a pact never to wear matched socks.  Since they now wear the same sock size, I just drop their heap of neon psychedelic socks on their bed and ask them to divvy them up amongst themselves.

A story by Petra

This is a story from Petra.  She dictated it and mommy wrote it down almost verbatim.  It has a stream of consciousness quality and is oddly violent.   

Once upon a time there were 2 girls, who were named Petra and Julia.  And there were 2 brothers named Nathan and Paul.  They had a house that was yellow, like butter.  They weren't healthy because all of their food was chocolate and cheese puff and Doritos.  They loved to dance at parties and eat cake at birthdays.  They enjoyed relaxing in their new beds.  And they loved to pull out strings with nametags.

They pulled down the blankets.  The girls shut the brothers out, and the boys shut the sisters out.  Then they got really mad and started kicking and punching.  Their mother named Sarah always yelled at them.  They hit their mother in the face with a little blue braid that goes in the hair as a decoration.  Then they just sat down and started to read.

After they read their books they jumped on the floor and ripped the chairs.  Then they had a smile on their faces.  Then they got on the floor with a needle and crawled across the floor and when they saw the perfect spot to put the needle, it was in the middle of the office.  They turned around after they did the needle and they made the needle a big water fountain and they turned it on.  And they made it with water and when it was hot in the house they would turn it on and it would sprinkle the house.  When the house was filled with water, it was an ocean house.

Their middle names were Paperclip.  Petra Paperclip, Julia Paperclip, Paul Paperclip, and Nathan Paperclip.

They pulled out the dresses from Mom's closet. They hid to wait for mom to say (in a high squeaky voice), "Oh!  My dresses!"

When they went to tae kwon do, they always kicked the masters.  Then they would smile and play and run on the mat.  The masters got very mad.  They put up rules that there was no kicking allowed anymore.  But they always did that in tae kwon do, so the masters put up another rule.  There was no destroying the mat.


The End.

Glamorous Food

What happens when you unleash a dozen little girls on all the frosting and sprinkles they can use to decorate cupcakes for Petra's birthday party?

Glamorous Food!

Gun and Duck Safety

About a month ago Julia shot me in the face with a nerf gun at a range of 4 inches.  I was very irritated and started yelling at her.

She made the mistake of saying, "I didn't think it was loaded."

Then I really blew my top and shouted, "You always, ALWAYS assume the gun is loaded.  I don't care if it's a nerf gun, a real gun, or a squirt gun.  You ALWAY assume its loaded."

Fast forward to this week.

Nathan and I were outside exploring and I found one of the kids' rubber duckies sitting out by the barn.  I squeezed it a couple of times and then stuffed in in my coat pocket.

Later that day I was bringing the kids to tae kwon do.  Julia was jokingly sassing me about something small, and I pulled the ducky from my pocket and squeezed it in her face.  It misted her face with the bit of water still in it.  I quickly apologized saying, "I'm sorry, Julia.  I didn't know it had any water left in it."

She looked at me and said, "You always, ALWAYS assume the rubber ducky is loaded!"

Sage advice.

Over-qualified

I was supposed to write up an resume for work, but was feeling under-qualified for my job.  I did this instead.