I slept for 5 hours in a row last night. Following a brief intermission, I got another 2.5 hours (overslept the alarm).
I feel really good today.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012
Tragedy at Christmas
Tragedy in Connecticut.
At an elementary school.
I think, "At a high school, the kids at least have the capacity to consider fight or flight. At an elementary school..."
I think, "The gunman was sick in the head. Healthy minds don't do that sort of thing."
We prayed for them at church. We prayed for the families, for comfort against this act of breath taking evil.
Evil. It is the darkness packed all around the manger scene.
I remember Jesus said, "If then you who are evil know how to give good things to your children, how much more will God give?"
The evil is in all of us. Selfishness is evil. The sick mind only reveals it.
Jesus repeatedly called the whole generation evil. He called us all evil, even as he was calling us to hope.
God, please give us hope. Please give the families in Connecticut hope.
I caught myself this morning, imagining a gunman in a familiar setting. I imagined ways to stop him. To reduce the tragedy. I created a fairy tale with a less painful ending, an ending I could live with, because the reality is untenable.
Blood on an elementary school floors. Empty chairs. Forever scarred memories in little children. Unrecoverable loss.
God, WHY?
Why now, at Christmas season, when there will be gaps in the row of stockings and toys, left hidden, because there are no children to receive them.
I have to imagine ways out of this reality, because I can't dwell in that level of pain. I want to pray for these people, to comfort them, but the pit is so deep. Grief is too weak a word for the anguish in Connecticut.
Why now, at Christmas season, when the whole world is telling people they must be merry? There is no place for my plans for your pain. It doesn't fit in with this picture.
I remind myself that God is bigger than our creches. It is fitting to rejoice in a tiny baby and mother's joy. But the baby is called "Man of Sorrows," and his mother is told by a prophet that her heart will be rent in two.
It is appropriate to awe at divine announcements and angel song. But the child was born in a shed, because nobody really wanted him in their home.
It is good to marvel at richly dressed sages, lavish gifts, and special stars. But the baby is the same one who called the people evil.
He is the same one the generation crucifies. His blood pays for their evil.
He is the same one we crucify. His blood redeems our pain.
He is the same one I crucify. His blood pays for my selfishness.
The manger points to the cross.
Oh, God, how desperately we need you. Break into this world, even as we hold you in contempt. Save us from ourselves. Comfort our anguish. Be born in us this day.
At an elementary school.
I think, "At a high school, the kids at least have the capacity to consider fight or flight. At an elementary school..."
I think, "The gunman was sick in the head. Healthy minds don't do that sort of thing."
We prayed for them at church. We prayed for the families, for comfort against this act of breath taking evil.
Evil. It is the darkness packed all around the manger scene.
I remember Jesus said, "If then you who are evil know how to give good things to your children, how much more will God give?"
The evil is in all of us. Selfishness is evil. The sick mind only reveals it.
Jesus repeatedly called the whole generation evil. He called us all evil, even as he was calling us to hope.
God, please give us hope. Please give the families in Connecticut hope.
I caught myself this morning, imagining a gunman in a familiar setting. I imagined ways to stop him. To reduce the tragedy. I created a fairy tale with a less painful ending, an ending I could live with, because the reality is untenable.
Blood on an elementary school floors. Empty chairs. Forever scarred memories in little children. Unrecoverable loss.
God, WHY?
Why now, at Christmas season, when there will be gaps in the row of stockings and toys, left hidden, because there are no children to receive them.
I have to imagine ways out of this reality, because I can't dwell in that level of pain. I want to pray for these people, to comfort them, but the pit is so deep. Grief is too weak a word for the anguish in Connecticut.
Why now, at Christmas season, when the whole world is telling people they must be merry? There is no place for my plans for your pain. It doesn't fit in with this picture.
I remind myself that God is bigger than our creches. It is fitting to rejoice in a tiny baby and mother's joy. But the baby is called "Man of Sorrows," and his mother is told by a prophet that her heart will be rent in two.
It is appropriate to awe at divine announcements and angel song. But the child was born in a shed, because nobody really wanted him in their home.
It is good to marvel at richly dressed sages, lavish gifts, and special stars. But the baby is the same one who called the people evil.
He is the same one the generation crucifies. His blood pays for their evil.
He is the same one we crucify. His blood redeems our pain.
He is the same one I crucify. His blood pays for my selfishness.
The manger points to the cross.
Oh, God, how desperately we need you. Break into this world, even as we hold you in contempt. Save us from ourselves. Comfort our anguish. Be born in us this day.
Nathan at 6 weeks old
Nathan is six weeks old now.
It is hard to believe he has been with us that long already.
It is even harder to fathom the amount of development he has had in that time.
He is less of a lump of clay now. He is stiffer, like a baby instead of a newborn. If we balance him, he often pushes up on his legs.
He is just starting, just barely beginning to grin at people. I LOVE THIS!
He sleeps at night. A typical night consists of a 4 hour stretch of sleep, a one hour intermission for eating and diaper change, and then another 3 hour stretch of sleep.
During tummy time, he can pull his chin up off blanket for several seconds at a time.
It is hard to believe he has been with us that long already.
It is even harder to fathom the amount of development he has had in that time.
He is less of a lump of clay now. He is stiffer, like a baby instead of a newborn. If we balance him, he often pushes up on his legs.
He is just starting, just barely beginning to grin at people. I LOVE THIS!
He sleeps at night. A typical night consists of a 4 hour stretch of sleep, a one hour intermission for eating and diaper change, and then another 3 hour stretch of sleep.
During tummy time, he can pull his chin up off blanket for several seconds at a time.
Wednesday, December 05, 2012
Sarah's Christmas Wishlist 2012
I have a hard time coming up with useful wish lists for my family. I'm sorry to be a pain. Here are some things I would like to have this year.
- a baster to replace the one I broke by letting the glass tube roll off the counter
- a nut grinder to replace the one I destroyed by trying to grind almonds
- chocolate
- organizer boxes or shelves for the top shelf in the closet
- time to sew
- time to play piano and/or trombone
- time to read the books I asked for last year
- less clutter
- a friend with a sense of fashion sense and compassion to gently help me get rid of some of the clothes I never/seldom wear
- a meal plan
- permission (from myself) to throw away things that I don't want and that are not nice enough to give to Goodwill
- a rolley suitcase to replace the one with broken zippers
- courage to reduce the amount of stuff in the children's rooms as well
- attention to meet and play with the children on their own level
- discernment for when the children need to be pushed and when then need to be pulled in and given a break
- time to exercise
- desk organizer stuff to help keep track of our little schooler's completed versus needs-to-be completed papers
- paint for the little shelf Steve made for me, since the mauve now looks eye spleechingly hideous in front of the orange wall in our bedroom
- time to enjoy our children
- dinner at the Melting Pot with my husband
- time to practice speaking Czech
- Bible study time with my husband
- deepening of relationships with precious friends and family
- a prayer life that includes more trust and listening
- "Watership Down"
- window dressing for the kitchen
- a couch to replace the one the dog... well a new couch
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