Sleep when the baby sleeps

I slept for 5 hours in a row last night.  Following a brief intermission, I got another 2.5 hours (overslept the alarm). 

I feel really good today.

Tragedy at Christmas

Tragedy in Connecticut.
At an elementary school.
I think, "At a high school, the kids at least have the capacity to consider fight or flight.  At an elementary school..."

I think, "The gunman was sick in the head.  Healthy minds don't do that sort of thing."

We prayed for them at church.  We prayed for the families, for comfort against this act of breath taking evil.

Evil.  It is the darkness packed all around the manger scene.

I remember Jesus said, "If then you who are evil know how to give good things to your children, how much more will God give?"

The evil is in all of us.  Selfishness is evil.  The sick mind only reveals it.

Jesus repeatedly called the whole generation evil.  He called us all evil, even as he was calling us to hope.

God, please give us hope.  Please give the families in Connecticut hope.

I caught myself this morning, imagining a gunman in a familiar setting. I imagined ways to stop him.  To reduce the tragedy.  I created a fairy tale with a less painful ending, an ending I could live with, because the reality is untenable.

Blood on an elementary school floors.  Empty chairs.  Forever scarred memories in little children.  Unrecoverable loss.

God, WHY?

Why now, at Christmas season, when there will be gaps in the row of stockings and toys, left hidden, because there are no children to receive them.

I have to imagine ways out of this reality, because I can't dwell in that level of pain.  I want to pray for these people, to comfort them, but the pit is so deep.  Grief is too weak a word for the anguish in Connecticut.

Why now, at Christmas season, when the whole world is telling people they must be merry?  There is no place for my plans for your pain.  It doesn't fit in with this picture.

I remind myself that God is bigger than our creches.  It is fitting to rejoice in a tiny baby and mother's joy.  But the baby is called "Man of Sorrows," and his mother is told by a prophet that her heart will be rent in two.

It is appropriate to awe at divine announcements and angel song.  But the child was born in a shed, because nobody really wanted him in their home.

It is good to marvel at richly dressed sages, lavish gifts, and special stars.  But the baby is the same one who called the people evil.

He is the same one the generation crucifies.  His blood pays for their evil.
He is the same one we crucify.  His blood redeems our pain.
He is the same one I crucify.  His blood pays for my selfishness.

The manger points to the cross.
Oh, God, how desperately we need you.  Break into this world, even as we hold you in contempt.  Save us from ourselves.  Comfort our anguish.  Be born in us this day.

Nathan at 6 weeks old

Nathan is six weeks old now.

It is hard to believe he has been with us that long already.

It is even harder to fathom the amount of development he has had in that time.

He is less of a lump of clay now.  He is stiffer, like a baby instead of a newborn.  If we balance him, he often pushes up on his legs.

He is just starting, just barely beginning to grin at people.  I LOVE THIS!

He sleeps at night.  A typical night consists of a 4 hour stretch of sleep, a one hour intermission for eating and diaper change, and then another 3 hour stretch of sleep.

During tummy time, he can pull his chin up off blanket for several seconds at a time.

Sarah's Christmas Wishlist 2012

I have a hard time coming up with useful wish lists for my family.  I'm sorry to be a pain.  Here are some things I would like to have this year.

• a baster to replace the one I broke by letting the glass tube roll off the counter
• a nut grinder to replace the one I destroyed by trying to grind almonds
• chocolate
• organizer boxes or shelves for the top shelf in the closet
• time to sew
• time to play piano and/or trombone
• time to read the books I asked for last year
• less clutter
• a friend with a sense of fashion sense and compassion to gently help me get rid of some of the clothes I never/seldom wear
• a meal plan
• permission (from myself) to throw away things that I don't want and that are not nice enough to give to Goodwill
• a rolley suitcase to replace the one with broken zippers
• courage to reduce the amount of stuff in the children's rooms as well
• attention to meet and play with the children on their own level
• discernment for when the children need to be pushed and when then need to be pulled in and given a break
• time to exercise
• desk organizer stuff to help keep track of our little schooler's completed versus needs-to-be completed papers
• paint for the little shelf Steve made for me, since the mauve now looks eye spleechingly hideous in front of the orange wall in our bedroom
• time to enjoy our children
• dinner at the Melting Pot with my husband
•  time to practice speaking Czech
• Bible study time with my husband
• deepening of relationships with precious friends and family
• a prayer life that includes more trust and listening 
• "Watership Down"
•  window dressing for the kitchen
• a couch to replace the one the dog... well a new couch

Kuhlman Baby Key

Paul

Julia

Petra

Nathan

Nathan Pictures

The hospital had been a little concerned about how much weight Nathan dropped before we were discharged.  (We think he was down to about 7 lbs 12 oz.)  Based on my experience with our previous 3 babies, I wasn't too concerned.  Even so, I told Julia that my number 1 job when I got home was to feed Nathan as much a possible.

At his 2 week checkup, he weighed 9lb 3.8 oz.  Mission accomplished.  The pediatrician told me that I didn't need to maintain a 1 pound  per week weight gain program.  

Sarah and Nathan

Paul, Julia, and Petra got to spend last night at their grandparents house.  This was good timing, because Nathan was awake and uncomfortable for a couple hours last night.  Steve and I REALLY appreciated the fact that we could sleep in a little bit.

Nathan in his "Midnight Rock Show" shirt, because he earned it last night.

At three weeks old, he can hold his head up pretty well.  Sometimes.

They're lucky they are so darned cute.

Costume time at home

I was on the phone with my mom yesterday when my three older children invaded, wearing pirate costumes. I let them talk to their grandma, who got called a "scurvy dog."  hmm...

When they first descended on me, Paul had the pirate hat, eye patch, and a sword.  Julia was wearing the pirate costume, and had the pirate hook.  Petra was wearing a pirate bandanna, and lacking a sword or hook, she wielded a plastic toy saw from the kiddie workbench.

My fierce pirates

Julia posing while on the phone

Paul, threatening me with a sword

Pirate Petra

Petra's Birthday Party Nov 2

Petra asked for a car cake for her birthday.  On the Sunday before her birthday, she specified that the cake should be decorated like a garbage truck.  

I don't believe I've ever vetoed a cake design for my children before.  After some negotiation, prompting and  discussion, Petra and I agreed to a Mater cake.  (That might have been what she meant all along.)

We had her party for her on November 2nd.

Mater Cake

My big 3 year old, blowing out her candles

I love that she put a pink tutu on over her pants.

Welcome Home Nathan

 After 3 nights in the hospital, Sarah and Nathan got to come home on Wednesday.  Yay!  As you can see from this picture, Nathan seems to like sleeping at home.

Julia is the most enamored with him of any of the other kids.  She was very excited to have Nathan home.

Petra's mostly just glad to have mommy home. 

Sarah and Nathan are both recovering well, and Nathan is putting on weight.  Now we start to figure out what our new "normal" is.

Welcome Nathan Thomas!

Sarah was scheduled to have a C-section on November 6 (Election Day), which was 4 days before her November 10 due date.  Apparently that was cutting it a little close, because Nathan decided he wanted a November 4 birthday.  So Sunday morning, November 4, Sarah started having contractions.  And by the end of supper they were getting close enough together that she was probably in labor.  So off the hospital we went.  After a couple hours of "observation" in which her contractions became closer together and more intense, they finally agreed that she was in labor.  Yay! 

After that things happened very quickly as they prepped her for surgery.  And Nathan Thomas was born at 11:13pm Sunday evening.  As you can see from this picture, he weighed in at nearly 8 lbs, 9 oz., making him the largest of our 4 babies.  He also measured in at 21" long.

He and Sarah are both doing very well, and he took to nursing very quickly.  Yay!

Thanks to the fine doctors and nurses that took care of us, and thanks to everyone that has visited, sent flowers, cards, emails, etc.  We're so pleased to have little Nathan in our family, and excited to get to know him better as he grows.

Tae Kwon Do Tournament

 Back on Oct. 27 Paul, Julia, and I participated in our first Tae Kwon Do tournament.  Now, we just received our yellow belts (which is the first belt after the starting-out white belt) a couple weeks before, so there's not a lot we know yet.  And if this hadn't been a local tournament hosted by our own school, we probably wouldn't have bothered.  But it was at the Jr. High school right near the kids elementary school, and it was hosted by our own Master Chung's Academy just down the road, so we participated.  Paul & Julia both competed in basic motions, which is several punches, kicks, and blocks that we had to learn for our yellow belt test already.  Similarly, I competed in the form competition with the form I had just learned as a yellow belt.  All 3 of us got 2nd place in our respective level/age categories.

Paul & Julia also competed in free sparring, which is fighting with pads and rules for up to 2 minutes.  Julia got 3rd place in her level/age category.  Here she is fighting fellow 1st grader (and blue belt) Emma.  (Julia's in the red hat.)

And here's Paul fighting another yellow belt 3rd grader.  (Paul's in the red hat.)

I'm really proud of both of them.  It was a very busy place, with lots of people watching, but they both tried hard and did well.  While we all had areas to improve, I was glad we all competed.  I'm especially glad Paul & Julia followed through with practicing and competing.  It was a great experience for them and a good chance to practice performing under pressure. 

Trick or Treat 2012

Paul the Ghost

Julia the Mermaid

Petra the Fairy

Our Petra Grace is 3!

My little Petra is 3.  She is a card.

Now there have been a number of things that she has explained that she is too little for because she is a toddler.  In fact, toddlerhood was a pretty big part of her understanding of her identity.   So in order to help her break into some new behaviors (like potty training and going to Sunday school), we explained that when she turned three, she stopped being a toddler and became a Big Girl.

She accepted that explanation.  And, really, she doesn't toddle.  Her walk and run are very well developed.

So on Sunday, she will go to Sunday school instead of the nursery.

Yesterday, she tried wearing Big Girl underwear.  We were both tired of that trial by lunch time, but it was still a step in the right direction.

Yesterday we removed the booster seat from her chair at the kitchen table.  Yes, she is still a little short for the table, but it was one of the Big Girl privileges that she asked about.

She also asked about going to school like Paul and Julia.  Sigh.  Okay, so there are some Big Girl things she is going to have to wait for, like preschool and Tae Kwon Do.  Steve pointed out that our preschool would prefer she mastered her Big Girl underwear before she attends.  We'll get there.

We will have her cake and presents Friday evening.  She wants her cake to be decorated like a car.  On Sunday she elaborated that the car should be a truck - a garbage truck.

We'll make something nice.

On her actual birthday we got to go to friends' house for trick or treat.  They lent us a wagon and I pulled Petra to about 6 homes while Steve went ahead with Paul and Julia.  After 6 homes, Petra was cold and I was tired, so we headed back and sat with our friends in their warm garage.  They graciously bundled Petra in a blanket and gave her some hot cocoa to warm her hands.  My darling little, too cute, Big Girl, who is not a toddler anymore.

Paul's 3rd Grade Music Concert

Paul getting ready for a line dance.

 The third graders had their fall music concert last night.  Instead of going up front and singing to us, they invited the audience to learn folk dances they have been studying.  All of us were involved in a couple line dances - think Virginia Reel, not Garth Brooks.  Paul partnered with Julia for those. 

Then we did a circle dance, and the music teachers recommended the younger children watch.  Steve caught a few pictures of Paul and me in the circle dance.

Paul and Mommy trying to dos-i-do in 4 counts

Paul with the "Dad, do you have to take a picture of me dancing with my mom" look on his face.

New toy for mommy

Steve and I agreed that having a camera which wouldn't focus was not really ideal with a baby coming in a couple weeks.

So my early birthday present is a new camera.  It's just a nice little point-and-shoot camera.  Perfect for me (us).  It does have more settings for us to explore than our old camera.  Here are a few shots from us experimenting with it.

Steve took this picture of me in my "racing stripes" outfit

Steve, Paul, and Julia going to Tae Kwon Do practice with their jumbo duffel bags of sparing pads

Petra Grace after the big kids have driven off

I used the timer on the camera to capture this extreme belly profile shot

Nothing gold can stay

Friday morning at my house.

“Is your library book in your book bag?”

“Are you dressed?”

“No, not those pants.”

“You need tights with that outfit.”

“Okay, I’ll look for tights, you eat your breakfast.”

“Stay in your seat and eat your breakfast.”

“Will you please butter it yourself and eat?”

“Wow, what a beautiful sunrise.  Yes, you may come see it.” (pause) “Now go back and finish your breakfast.”

“Have you finished your morning checklist?”

“Do your checklist.”

“Have you done everything on your list?”

“Then WHY is your snack still on the counter?”

“No more time for breakfast.  You need to get your shoes on RIGHT NOW.”

“Your backpack is in the kitchen where you left it.”

“YOU NEED TO BE OUTSIDE WAITING FOR THE BUS RIGHT NOW!!!”

And then, step outside, and 

wow.

The sun is at the perfect magical height where the beams hit the top of the trees, but not the base.  The trees are blazing yellow, orange and gold, and the clouds behind them are dark grey.  The leaves and light are like a strip of golden fire with dark above and dark below.  It is one of my favorite things to see.

“Paul, Julia, look at the trees.”

My little schoolers are spellbound.  They can’t take their eyes off it.

“I feel like I’ve seen this before.”

“Is this what it looks like when God comes?”

I stop giving orders.  I quietly step to a spot where the bus will see me, so that my little schoolers may gaze and gape.  Even as we watch, the light seems to spread and dilute.  The bus comes and stops.  My little schoolers run on board.  The bus leaves and when I turn to see the trees, they are dim and ordinary.  In such a short time the sun rose into a cloud bank, and the golden fire was gone.

You have to look quick to see the golden light.  You have to look quick to see the autumn leaves.  You have to look quick to see the childhood.  It goes away so quickly.

Farm Hand #4 - Coming Soon

As with our previous 3 children, we have great difficulty coming to a decision on a name.  This poor child, coming in early November, has been mostly referred to as Quartus for several months now while we deliberate on a suitable name. 

As a side note, it was commonplace in ancient Roman culture to name your child based on the order of their birth.  For example, Primus is the 1st child (and a boy), Secunda is the 2nd child (and a girl), etc. Sarah and I both took Latin in high school, so this was something we both knew and joked about.

Anyway, as we've done with the last two, we've added a poll to the blog for you to vote on your favorite name for our 4th child.  There is no guarantee that the top vote will be the name we use, but this might help us narrow things down a bit.  Quartus will thank you one day, I'm sure.

Great Eighth Oktobeerfest

Last Friday, October 12th, we celebrated our 8th annual Oktobeerfest here at the Kuhlman farm.  There were more than 100 of you that came out to join us and enjoy a beautiful fall evening, outstanding brats, good music, good beer, and great company.  We had over 40 unique beer entries, many of which were quite good.  Thanks so much to everyone that came out, and especially to everyone that helped out with setup, food, judging, cleanup, etc.  We greatly appreciate it.  And if you missed out this year, keep your ears open for next year's date to get it on your calender early.

Memorable weekend

What a weekend.

Friday morning I took Petra and a small friend to the zoo.  Both girls are still at an age where the statues of the animals are at least as interesting as the animals themselves.  Even the tiger pacing by the glass couldn’t compete with the plastic tiger statue with whiskers that you could touch.  And when given the chance to pet a real blue-tongued skink, both girls froze and our friend answered with, “No, thank you.”  Some things are best enjoyed at a safe distance.

Friday evening was our annual Octobeerfest.  I’ll let Steve write up an overall review of that fun event.  I was just amused to see that Steve’s coworkers won two of the four beer tasting categories.  They are now trying to figure out how to leverage their success in their business marketing.  Something along the lines of, “We develop good software and choose good beer.”

Julia and I missed the first hour of the party because she had her test for yellow belt.  I was so pleased to get to see her performance.  She came riding into the party on a wave of glory, because when she broke her board, it snapped into three pieces.  She announced to one of grandpa’s friends that he had better keep his distance, because she was dangerous.

I didn’t see much of Paul Friday night.  He spent the whole evening racing around in the dark with some friends, and didn’t come in for bed until nearly ten, when he could barely hold his head up. 

On Saturday morning Steve, Paul, and Julia went to a ceremony to receive their yellow belts. 

Saturday afternoon, Paul went to a sleepover with one of his buddies.  It was Paul’s first sleepover ever.  I asked the father later how much sleep the boys got, and the answer was around 6 hours.  Not enough!  And then on further questioning Paul, we’ve concluded that he slept less than the others.  He did have a ton of fun.  Anyway, Sunday afternoon Paul fell asleep on top of Steve and we spent most of the hour between 4 and 5 o’clock trying to wake him back up.  Ice cubes anyone?

Also on Saturday afternoon, I took Julia to the local fire department for an open house.  She got to see a demonstration with The Jaws of Life and try on a real fireman’s suit.  Heavy.  She practiced using her hands to find her way through and obstacle course with a darkened mask over her eyes, and we both went into the back of an ambulance. 

We collapsed Sunday afternoon.  It was good to rest and put our feet up.  Sunday evening Steve went online with the kids to let them shop with the money we gave them as a prize for earning their yellow belts.  Paul picked some legos, and Julia some Barbies. 

We also let Petra look online to try to figure out what she might like for birthday presents. 

“Would you like puzzles?”

“Yeah!”

“Would you like crafts?”

“Yeah!”

She was agreeable to everything we mentioned.  There was really only one item that she volunteered that she would like without us prompting her.

“Daddy, I want an i-Pad.”

After we finished laughing, Steve answered, “Me too, honey.  Me too.”

Why we might be getting a new couch soon

This is going to be one of those blogs in which the blogger (me) shares too many gross details about stupid stuff.  Feel free to skip it.  :-)

Last night Maggie barfed on our couch.

I was in the bathroom, helping Julia finish up her bath.  I had let Petra join us, partly in hopes that observing her big sister would help her learn some self-cleaning skills.  Suddenly, I heard Paul at the door.  "Daddy told me to come tell you Maggie threw up."

And?

Oh, yeah, that's right.  Steve's tolerance for dealing with certain categories of really stinky messes is lower than mine.  If I'm in the house, then poopee, vomit, and chicken guts belong to me.  This is one of the reasons why we don't own a house cat.

I took Petra out of the bathroom so that my little water lover would not drench herself.  Steve had started collecting towels and upholstery detergent.  He reported, "She threw up on the couch.  She hit it right between the cushions.  It's worse than normal.  It smells like she must have spent too much time in the garden near the turkeys."

Charming.

Steve had taken the cushions off the couch.  I went to the living room, opened a window, discovered squish that she hit the carpet a little bit too, and went to get a dustpan, which is my preferred "big chunk" removal tool.  I came back to find Petra bouncing on one of the couch cushions. 

Well, it was right there on the floor like a big inviting trampoline. 

"No, no, no, no! Aaahhhh!"  By some miracle, Petra had picked the one couch cushion that didn't have brown slime on it for bouncing. Petra protested and then giggled as I picked her up and tossed her back into the bathroom with her sister.  Soaking wet clothing is a lesser evil than, well, you know.  My instructions to Julia: "Don't let Petra get into the dog vomit." 

Steve brought me a dozen small towels and cleaning rags, took the covers off of the couch cushions, then went to change clothes.  The kids stayed out of the way.  Somewhere in the midst of the cleaning effort friends telephoned us.  "Hi, Sarah, how are you doing?"

"Funny you should ask..."

We threw the couch cushion covers into the washing machine.  They were already deteriorating, and I don't know that they will survive the washing.  We may be getting a new couch out of all this. 

Maggie was not nearly repentant enough for the trouble she caused.  Can you teach a dog to at least try to look embarrassed and sorry?

Meditation on Redemption

I’ve been thinking a lot about the word redemption lately.  We use it in Christian circles.
It is an easy word to mentally gloss over without considering what a sparkling, breathtaking thing it is.

• Redemption is like when your friend takes the wilted, brown houseplant that you have all but killed and returns it to you six months later, lush and alive.
• Redemption is like making a 56 yard field goal attempt. With a side wind.
• Redemption is like picking up your car after a routine servicing and finding your wedding and engagement ring in the change bin after they had been missing for 6 months.  (Me, 2005)
• Redemption is like coasting down an off ramp and finding an autoparts store with an alternator for your little Japanese car in Georgia south of Macon on the Sunday after Thanksgiving (Steve, circa 1994).
• Redemption is like having a discipline battle royale with one of you children, and the experience ends (eventually) with them laying their head on  your shoulder, knowing that they are loved.
• It is like the mended favorite teddy bear, the rescued pet, the restored friendship, and the reconciled family member.

At a basic level, we use redemption to mean something has been paid.  “I redeemed these coupons for free diced tomatoes.”  It also means ransomed back from captivity, repaired and restored.

This fills my heart with wonder: redemption is a name for what happens when the logic and experience both say that the story ends badly here and now, and then it doesn’t.  It is a word for things turning out better than we have any right to expect.  It is not just being restored to what we were, but restored to what we were meant to be.

• I’ve gotten glimpses of redemption in C.S. Lewis’ The Last Battle when it seemed like everything lovely in the world was lost, which was the first necessary step to discovering a better world.  The things that made the first world lovely, were purified, distilled and perceived more clearly in the second.  
• Also in Lewis’ “The Great Divorce” I saw redemption when a lost soul was saved from a demon of lust.  The demon was destroyed and transformed so that, instead of riding on the ghost’s back as a burden, it became the servant to the redeemed man.
• I saw redemption in the movie “End of the Spear.”   A murderer's heart was broken, and over time he stood in as a grandfather to the family of the man he murdered.  It required a level of forgiveness that is hard to comprehend.  It was an ending that logic said should never happen.  It was by the grace of God.  It was redemption.

I’ve also found pictures of redemption in some surprising places.

• I saw redemption in Disney’s movie, “Lilo and Stitch.”  An alien criminal had been mistakenly left at a dog pound.  A little girl bought him.  Under the influence of the girl’s love, the alien was transformed from an instrument of destruction to a part of the family.  At the climax, the little girl’s receipt of purchase from the pound gave her the right to hold the alien pet back from those who had come to take it away for imprisonment.  What a picture of Christ’s purchase of us for children!
• I also saw redemption throughout the vignettes of that utterly profane movie, “Pulp Fiction.”  Gangsters and drug addicts had their lives and freedom preserved by unlikely twists of fate.  I don’t think it is an accident that you already know which gangster will die when you later see him reject a chance at living the redemption offered.

I see redemption in the lives of friends who were once hostile to Christianity, and now testify about Jesus and his work in their lives.

I see redemption in the lives of adopted children.  If you look at the statistics of what becomes of orphans at home and abroad, their futures were bleak.  But now they have a story that is full of wonder and hope.

I see redemption at a stone tomb when it looked like the story had ended, and ended badly.  The beautiful one was murdered.  There was no earthly reason to expect anything more.  Three days later not only was the sad end to the story undone, but all the sad endings to all the stories of God’s children were given a glorious epilogue that turned out to be a bigger, brighter story than all that came before.

Definition of REDEEM from Merriam-Webster online

1
a : to buy back : repurchase
b : to get or win back
2
: to free from what distresses or harms: as
a : to free from captivity by payment of ransom
b : to extricate from or help to overcome something detrimental
c : to release from blame or debt : clear
d : to free from the consequences of sin
3
: to change for the better : reform
4
: repair, restore
5
a : to free from a lien by payment of an amount secured thereby
b (1) : to remove the obligation of by payment redeems savings bonds on demand> (2) : to exchange for something of value <redeem trading stamps>
c : to make good : fulfill
6
a : to atone for : expiate <redeem an error>
b (1) : to offset the bad effect of (2) : to make worthwhile : retrieve

re·demp·tion

noun \ri-ˈdem(p)-shən\
: the act, process, or an instance of redeeming